Agencies Are Not Created Equal

Tonight, let me give you a rundown of the different agencies I've worked for. Agencies vary and your duties and experiences as a driver will vary.

The first agency I worked for employed a woman, "Wanda," to do the phones. She would text you the wrong information half the time. She's a cokehead that expects you to call clients, return her calls immediately, answer texts - all while driving! At least twice a night, I awoke some innocent dude, or woman, up in the middle of the night because the telephone number was wrong. At least four times a night, some part of the address would be wrong, i.e, 'street' instead of 'avenue' or 'Elithabeth' instead of 'Woodbridge,' etc. Those are major errors that cost you jobs. She has no sense of your location and sends you on jobs all over New Jersey. All of that takes time. One night, she sent us on a job to Cherry Hill, then North Bergen, then Trenton. Naturally, the blame is on you if the client cancels. What should have been a six-job night quickly turned into a three-job night. $400 turns into $200. 350 miles driven,  $30 in tolls, 12 hours, and after all the drama, you're expected to drive to her apartment in Union City to hand her the drop. The girls she employs range from nice women with families to crack-whores that scheme to rob the agency. I quit her after three weeks.

The next agency I worked for advertises it self as 'woman-run.' "Erin" runs her business a lot better - and smarter. She does all the work and allows you to drive. I only drove two girls over two nights. One was kinda sweet but took a long time with her calls. Yeah, the client pays for a full hour and some expect a full hour. This girl would give him the full hour. My guess is she did this to increase her tips. That's okay, I suppose. It meant lost jobs for me, hence less pay. The second night I was paired with bi-polar, heavy smoker, full-of-herself, "Aimee." This Bronx chick speaks in a rapid-fire way and ignores what you have to say, which makes for an annoying night. She claims to be a high-earner. (Most girls claim this. It's funny. Maybe phone-girls bullshit all girls into thinking they're their favorite. Whatever.) This chick was fast and we booked a lot of jobs. It would have worked out but she's crazy and she parties too much. I can't have crazy in my life. I can't have drugs in my car. This agency is awesome and highly recommended, but the crazy drove me away.

The last agency I worked for was a Brooklyn-based, high-volume outfit run by someone I couldn't understand. His accent was laced with ghetto-isms that are, frankly, from a different world. Thankfully, all communication was done through texts, and in perfect English. Go figure. All information was correct and I averaged six to ten calls during the week, ten to fifteen during the weekend. All the bookings were in the five boroughs plus a handful in Nassau. They pay was less but the volume of calls made up for it. The average shift earned me $300 during the week, to $500 on one Saturday/Sunday shift. The girls were mostly druggies and I had to tell them to stop their bullshit on a nightly basis. The neighborhoods were bad but no one ever bothered me. I've heard stories of drivers being robbed at gunpoint but it never happened to me. It's not that I'm a bad-ass, just lucky. One day the agency stopped answering their phones. Nice knowing ya.

I decided to retire from this boring job before my luck ran out. I was pulled over twice in small towns in New Jersey. The Jersey cops are not stupid. They know exactly why you're there and if you slip up in your stories, or there is any evidence in your car such as notes to previous addresses or texts not yet deleted, or maybe the girl you're driving has drugs on her - and she WILL drop them on your floor to get rid of the evidence, trust me, she doesn't care about you - then you're going to jail and losing your vehicle. The cops in Jersey set up stings all the time. They're actively combating escort agencies in Jersey. (In New York, they don't give a shit.) Overall, the money is not worth the risk.