The Deal

Recalling my time driving escorts in New York and New Jersey, I wish I could come up with interesting stories, but there are none. I suppose driving girls to homes of famous television personalities and athletes could be of some interest, but I won't name them. Other than that, every night is the same, and yet, every girl is different. As stated in earlier posts, driving escorts is a boring and depressing job. It really isn't the threat of arrest that convinced me to quit, the life started to feel normal. Imagine that for a moment; after a while, the life of a hooker seemed normal. Surrounding myself with these types of girls felt like I was slipping into a pit of seediness, and I didn't mind. I knew it was time to leave.

I'm leaving this blog up so potential drivers can get a sense of the job, the risks, the money and the life. Unless you're a thug or some other form of lowlife, this is a foreign world. This is a world that appears interesting filtered through the lens of cinema, especially when romanticized, but the reality is dope and despair. Sex for money. I've met some interesting girls, a couple I have a lot of respect for, but most involved  in this life have a screw loose. Many are addicted to drugs. Some are violent. And at least one is a struggling writer that needed to get a feel for this particular part of society.

The Girlfriend Experience / Reality Check

Sasha Grey as Chelsea

Steven Soderbergh made an interesting film starring the beautiful Sasha Grey called The Girlfriend Experience. A girlfriend experience, or GFE, is a high-end service where a woman will pretend to be your girlfriend. It is a romanticized version of a service a call girl may provide. Perhaps in some wealthy circles, or maybe in Mr. Soderbergh's, those situations and girls like Chelsea, Ms. Grey's character, actually exist. Those of us who have worked at the agency level have an entirely different point of view.

In reality, the girls that do outcall services with agencies are just a notch above street hookers, and perhaps a step below the incall brothels. Some girls live in dwellings with little, if any, furniture and spend their cash on dope. Many have managed to secure Section-8 housing and are living off your dime. Some actually live in nice homes and hold day jobs. Some of these girls exude class and defy common sense. A lot have kids. To one extent or another, they all have a screw loose. After all, they suck dick for a living. If you're harboring a secret fantasy of what these girls are like, I can assure you that you will not pick up anywhere near the likes of Jessica Alba, or any other fantasy chick. Remember Divine Brown*, the hooker Hugh Grant was caught with? Bingo.

It is a seedier side of society full of drugs and despair. These girls spend their money on coke instead of food. I don't get it. I used to feel sorry for them until I remembered that they made more than me. It's their choice. Regardless of their position, I've always treated them with respect. Some drivers hit on the girls. Gross. Some drivers have even beaten and robbed the girls and left them stranded in Jersey or Long Island. That's dumb on so many levels. Those kinds of lowlife drivers are taken care of one way or another. Some agencies are mob or thug connected or someone knows a cop and drugs are mysteriously discovered...  My advice to potential drivers is to stay under the radar and mind your own business. You'll make more money in the long run.

Honestly, driving escorts is a depressing profession. If you need to work off the grid, then the job may be ideal. For me, I was disgusted at the end of a shift, and it simply isn't worth the risk. It's only a matter of time before you're pulled over and your girl panics and dumps her coke in your car. Then you're fucked. On the other hand, I know of drivers with twenty years of experience and never had a problem. It all depends on the girl. Who knows? Maybe you'll hook up with Chelsea from the film and you'll be good to go. Keep dreaming. More than likely you'll be picking up Cokehead Lexi, Crazy Korina, Bi-polar Angie, or the Houdini Sisters from Paterson (- a long story). It's always something and there's always a story with these chicks. Don't take any shit from any girl or any dispatcher. Remember, it's your car and you are solely responsible for what goes on in it.

*Divine Brown, now Stella Thompson, turned her life around and is the mother of three. Good for her.

Agencies Are Not Created Equal

Tonight, let me give you a rundown of the different agencies I've worked for. Agencies vary and your duties and experiences as a driver will vary.

The first agency I worked for employed a woman, "Wanda," to do the phones. She would text you the wrong information half the time. She's a cokehead that expects you to call clients, return her calls immediately, answer texts - all while driving! At least twice a night, I awoke some innocent dude, or woman, up in the middle of the night because the telephone number was wrong. At least four times a night, some part of the address would be wrong, i.e, 'street' instead of 'avenue' or 'Elithabeth' instead of 'Woodbridge,' etc. Those are major errors that cost you jobs. She has no sense of your location and sends you on jobs all over New Jersey. All of that takes time. One night, she sent us on a job to Cherry Hill, then North Bergen, then Trenton. Naturally, the blame is on you if the client cancels. What should have been a six-job night quickly turned into a three-job night. $400 turns into $200. 350 miles driven,  $30 in tolls, 12 hours, and after all the drama, you're expected to drive to her apartment in Union City to hand her the drop. The girls she employs range from nice women with families to crack-whores that scheme to rob the agency. I quit her after three weeks.

The next agency I worked for advertises it self as 'woman-run.' "Erin" runs her business a lot better - and smarter. She does all the work and allows you to drive. I only drove two girls over two nights. One was kinda sweet but took a long time with her calls. Yeah, the client pays for a full hour and some expect a full hour. This girl would give him the full hour. My guess is she did this to increase her tips. That's okay, I suppose. It meant lost jobs for me, hence less pay. The second night I was paired with bi-polar, heavy smoker, full-of-herself, "Aimee." This Bronx chick speaks in a rapid-fire way and ignores what you have to say, which makes for an annoying night. She claims to be a high-earner. (Most girls claim this. It's funny. Maybe phone-girls bullshit all girls into thinking they're their favorite. Whatever.) This chick was fast and we booked a lot of jobs. It would have worked out but she's crazy and she parties too much. I can't have crazy in my life. I can't have drugs in my car. This agency is awesome and highly recommended, but the crazy drove me away.

The last agency I worked for was a Brooklyn-based, high-volume outfit run by someone I couldn't understand. His accent was laced with ghetto-isms that are, frankly, from a different world. Thankfully, all communication was done through texts, and in perfect English. Go figure. All information was correct and I averaged six to ten calls during the week, ten to fifteen during the weekend. All the bookings were in the five boroughs plus a handful in Nassau. They pay was less but the volume of calls made up for it. The average shift earned me $300 during the week, to $500 on one Saturday/Sunday shift. The girls were mostly druggies and I had to tell them to stop their bullshit on a nightly basis. The neighborhoods were bad but no one ever bothered me. I've heard stories of drivers being robbed at gunpoint but it never happened to me. It's not that I'm a bad-ass, just lucky. One day the agency stopped answering their phones. Nice knowing ya.

I decided to retire from this boring job before my luck ran out. I was pulled over twice in small towns in New Jersey. The Jersey cops are not stupid. They know exactly why you're there and if you slip up in your stories, or there is any evidence in your car such as notes to previous addresses or texts not yet deleted, or maybe the girl you're driving has drugs on her - and she WILL drop them on your floor to get rid of the evidence, trust me, she doesn't care about you - then you're going to jail and losing your vehicle. The cops in Jersey set up stings all the time. They're actively combating escort agencies in Jersey. (In New York, they don't give a shit.) Overall, the money is not worth the risk.

Perils for Clients

If you have a couple of hundred dollars to spare and you're kickin' it in your hotel room, bored and horny, you've probably thought about going online and picking out an escort. There are a few things you should be aware of before you contact an escort agency.

As you look through the websites and the advertisements in Backpage, you may come across a girl that is exactly your type. Forget it. Those gorgeous ladies online are models. I've only driven for three agencies but they all use the same method of bait-and-switch. Keep in mind that the girls I have driven were mostly pretty, one or two were stunning even, but there were no actual photographs of them online. You get what you get. Some clients have refused the girl when she arrived. Some drivers are asked to secure the cash anyway. I consider that robbery and refused. To be fair, some agencies pay money to photograph the actual girl, but those are higher-end agencies, not the establishments I've driven for. The agencies that charge, say, $225 will not spend any additional money on photography when stock photographs are readily available.

During one Sunday night/Monday morning shift, I had a call to a private house in Freeport, Long Island. The girl went in at 4:15 am. The phone girl texts me the next call in Staten Island. "I already told him you were on your way," she said. I was on the road at 5:00, with rush-hour traffic along the Belt Parkway, and got to the clients house at 6:35. The dude had to wait two and a half hours. I strung him along all that time and made the call. When your location is confirmed by the driver, he will generally tell you 25 minutes. Unless he's right around the corner, that's a lie. Some clients will cancel or call another agency if they're told an hour, so I understand why we lie. (Obviously, if you call another agency, they're going to tell you 25 minutes too. All agencies guarantee 30 minutes of less.) The guy in Staten Island would never have agreed to wait that long. It's a numbers game and we want your money. We will lie to secure your business, period. If you don't mind the wait, then this point is moot.

The last piece of advice file under DUH! Prostitution is illegal. Driving prostitutes is facilitation and is also illegal. If you ask anyone over the phone what to expect for your money, the answer will always be along the lines of companionship. Only a cop or a moron will ask these kinds of questions. We will never be specific - stop asking. Yes, there are girls that collect the money and do nothing more. You may feel like you've been scammed. That's a chance you have to take.

Money

I had this blog up for barely an hour and already received two e-mails concerning pay. I've been averaging about $225 each night, depending on the amount of calls. For a call for $250, which is average, the split is $60 for me, $90 for the agency, and $100 for the girl. (This split differs from agency to agency.) Of course, the tip belongs to the girl. That ratio seems to hold as the rate goes up. The girl usually gives me a twenty-dollar tip for the evening. After considering the price of gas and tolls, my net is about $150 to $170 for my eight to ten hour shift. Sometimes I drive two girls but my cut doesn't seem to go up unless the call is specifically for two girls. An agency in Brooklyn pays less but the volume is almost double.

I'm probably the only driver in the world to do this, but I paid an estimated tax for my own piece of mind. If I ever get accused of any wrongdoing, it won't be for tax-fraud.

Hello

I originally decided to create this blog because there was no information online on driving escorts except for some dude in California that posted his three-night adventure on a weightlifting forum. Although I found the thread interesting, it was of little use. Later, I figured folks might get a kick out of my adventures. I'm also considering that I can actually share information that may even be of some use. I can offer some warnings to potential clients, helpful tips to the girls, and hopefully I can keep this experiment interesting.

All the names I'll use will be phony. I will say that I have driven for three mid-level agencies that charged in the 200-300 per call range and most calls are to private homes, motels, five-star hotels, and to local businesses that are normally closed. Assuming I pay my taxes, and I have no clue what the girls do on their dates, what I do for a living is legal. I think. (It's not.)

If you have questions, feel free to ask.